Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A Cathartic Rant About Big Law

When you leave a big law firm, it's amazing how people begin to come out of the woodwork and tell you about their desire to leave, how much they admire you and how miserable people really are.  I don't want to over-generalize and I've known this reality for some time, but the farther I get from it, the more perspective I gain and the more I recognize the alternate universe people live in. 

I've tried for a long time to explain the cutlture to people and it's very hard for people on the outside to understand.  It seems like the culmination of success as the world defines it.  The job is "prestigious" and it pays well and people respect you, but for most people it is empty.  And the wrench in it is that there is this weird psychology that goes on that has caused a whole generation of people 50 and older to believe that they love it.  Even when they know deep down inside that they don't.  Sometimes it's not even all that deep down.  I have had partners look me in the eye and tell me that they regret it, that they wish they had spent more time at home with their children, that they wish they had gone to the prosecutor's office or hung their own shingle or practiced with a plaintiff's firm or done something completely different all together.  Then these same partners have given me or others who have chosen to leave, to pursue their own dreams and spend valuable time with their families, speeches - guilt trips really - about loyalty and passion for the profession and money, of all things.  I guarantee these people can't see the irony or the dischord in what they are saying at any given time.  And frankly, I believe that when they are saying it, whatever position it is they are advocating, they believe it. 

I would love to study the psychology behind the brainwashing. I cannot tell you how many times either I have heard this rant or I have heard it reported to me from another tired, bewildered associate: "you don't know what it is you want.  You should be grateful for all this firm has done for you, all we have given you - there are so many people who would give anything to be in your position - to be paid what you are paid, to get these experiences.  The rest of us put in our time and we didn't complain and we didn't expect more money or to have cases or clients handed to us or to be "trained" in marketing.  We did what we were asked and the rest of it fell in place."  And apparently, they walked uphill to work both ways in the snow in no shoes.  Give me a break. 

To those partners, here are some things your associates want to say to you:

First, I am worth what you pay me because you pay it.  If I wasn't -  if I really wasn't making you money - you wouldn't pay me.  Stop with the bullshit about how you lose money on me.  I don't believe it.

Second, times have changed and I want more.  I am demanding more.  I am sorry you made the choices you did, but this isn't a sorority or fraternity rush.  I don't have to be hazed because you were.  As a matter of fact, because you were, I see the consequences of giving your life to a law firm and I don't want it.  Thank you for showing me what not to do, but stop trying to displace your regret on me.

Third,  I don't owe you anything and you haven't done me any special favors. You hired me specifically for a reason.  There are people just as smart as me and there are better lawyers than me, but I am unique - I bring something unique to the table. I have value - either because I am a good laywer, I am a woman, I know a particular client, I am a minority, I am the son or daughter of someone important, etc.  Stop trying to make me feel like I am expendable.

Fourth, other people want me and will pay me.  And even if they won't pay me as much, money isn't everything.  I'm sorry that you didn't recognize that you had options, but I do and I will explore them. 

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