Before His Time

I was reading this post by a friend who writes for Skirt! magazine and I was reminded of my own grandfather and what an inspiration he was to me. Like the author's grandfather, he was loving and welcoming of all people. My mother often says that they never met a stranger and that it was never an unusual occurrence for a traveling salesman or visiting evangelist to be sitting at their dinner table. After he passed away, my sister and I were going through the cedar chest in the spare bedroom at my grandparents' house. We found two cassette tapes that appeared to be interviews with my grandparents from the early nineties. Apparently, a student from the University of Kentucky's Deparment of Agriculture was doing a research project and interviewed both of my grandparents. My cousin made copies of the tapes for all of us. I will never forget when I listed to papa's interview.

I had just moved back to Kentucky from California. Papa had died just a few days before I planned to drive back (Carl, my husband, was going to come to Kentucky two weeks after I did). Carl and I flew home for the funeral, flew back to California, and then I got in my car with my friend Courtni and drove back to Kentucky. Instead of coming straight to Lexington, I went to Casey County to stay with my grandmother who was heartbroken and sick. I first put the cassette tapes in my car when I left Casey County I was afraid it would be really difficult to hear papa's voice, but instead, it was comforting. What an amazing gift that we were able to have these tapes. The interviewer asked my grandfather about farming over the course of his life and because of that, I was able to hear the story of his life. There are so many priceless words on that tape. So many of the nuances of papa's personality shine through. I laughed at his quick wit and his stubborness. I marveled at the intelligence of this man who had only an elementary school education. And I was overwhelmed with love when I heard him speak of my grandmother.

I say he was before his time because when the interviewer asked my papa if my grandmother worked outside the home, he explained that she never did. He said that many of the women they knew had taken jobs in town at the local stores, but that they decided together that she would work at home, with him. He was very clear that the farm and the income derived from it were not his, but theirs. And that all the decisions they made regarding the farm were made together. They were a partnership - what was his was hers and what was hers was his. It was very matter of fact, very soft-spoken and very simple. He had no idea that he was making such a profound statement about his view of women and the progressiveness of their marriage. He was simply stating the way it was. No wonder he produced three daughters who each took very different paths, but are successful and independent in their own ways.