Thursday, October 7, 2010

Finding Me NOW

I don't want to wait until my kids are grown to live my life.  Have you ever noticed that this is what the majority of women of my mother's generation did?  They stayed in unhappy marriages, worked jobs they didn't like, failed to take care of their bodies - until their late 40s or early 50s - then, all of the sudden they came into their own.  They found themselves and now they are more beautiful, more vibrant and more powerful than ever.  At the same time, many of them seem full of regret.  And often, they are lonely.

I am not advocating selfishness or irresponsible choices in the name of "happiness,"  but I want to find my true self, be authentic, NOW so I can be the best for my kids and my husband in these years, not later.  I know that my mom's generation stuck it out in whatever situation - marriage, kids, etc. - because they did not want to be selfish.  They were groomed to put everyone else's needs before their own.  And I admire the sentiment.  I also know there is a whole generation (mine) that often rejects that way of thinking and makes rash decisions in the name of "happiness," and I don't want that.  But it seems it's time for a balance.  We just are not wired, as women, to take care of ourselves, are we?

I want everyone in my family to experience a peaceful, joyful, authentic life.  I want that to be the example I set for my children.  I especially want my boys to see that women are supposed to be whole people - not martyrs who deny who they truly are.  If anyone knows the secret to this balance, I'm all ears.

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